why did he not wait till his strength was restored,
till his blood became calm? all would then have gone well, and he would
have been alive now.""
Albert, who could not see the justice of the comparison, offered
some further objections , and, amongst others , urged that I had taken
the case of a mere ignorant girl. But how any man of sense, of more enlarged
views and experience, could be excused , he was unable to comprehend.
"My friend!" I exclaimed , "man is but man; and, whatever be the extent
of his reasoning powers , they are of little avail when passion rages
within, and he feels himself confined by the narrow limits of nature.
It were better, then —— but we will talk of this some other time ,
" I said, and caught up my hat. Alas ! my heart was full; and we parted
without conviction on either side. How rarely in this world do men understand
each other!
AUGUST 15. There can be no doubt that in this world nothing is so
indispensable as love. I observe that Charlotte could not lose me without
a pang, and the very children have but one wish; that is, that I should
visit them again to-morrow. I went this afternoon to tune Charlotte"s
piano. But I could not do it, for the little ones insisted on my telling
them a story; and Charlotte herself urged me to satisfy them. I waited
upon them at tea, and they are now as fully contented with me as with
Charlotte ; and I told them my very best tale of the princess who was
waited upon by dwarfs. I improve myself by this exercise, and am quite
surprised at the impression my stories create. If I sometimes invent an
incident which I forget upon the next narration , they remind one directly
that the story was different before ; so that I now endeavour to relate
with exactness the same anecdote in the same monotonous tone, which never
changes. I find by this , how much an author injures his works by altering
them, even though they be improved in a poetical point of view. The first
impression is readily received. We are so constituted that we believe
the most incredible things; and, once they are engraved upon the memory,
woe to him who would endeavour to efface them.
AUGUST 18. Must it ever be thus ,—— that the source of our happiness
must also be the fountain of our misery ? The full and ardent sentiment
which animated my heart with the love of nature , overwhelming me with
a torrent of delight, and which brought all paradise before me , has
now become an insupportable torment , a demon which perpetually pursues
and harasses me. When in bygone days I gazed from these rocks upon yonder
mountains across the river, and upon the green , flowery valley before
me, and saw alI nature budding and bursting around ; the hills clothed
from foot to peak with tall , thick forest trees ; the valleys in all
their varied windings , shaded with the loveliest woods; and the soft
river gliding along amongst the lisping reeds , mirroring the beautiful
clouds which the soft evening breeze wafted across the sky,—— when
I heard the groves about me melodious with the music of birds , and saw
the million swarms of insects dancing in the last golden beams of the
sun , whose setting rays awoke the humming beetles from their grassy
beds, whilst the subdued tumult around directed my attention to the ground,
and I there observed the arid rock compelled to yield nutriment to the
dry moss, whilst the heath flourished upon the barren sands below me ,
all this displayed to me the inner warmth which animates all nature ,
and filled and glowed within my heart. I felt myself exalted by this overflowing
fulness to the perception of the Godhead, and the glorious forms of an
infinite universe became visible to my soul !
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