at
once I remembered the magnificent ode which was in her thoughts : I felt
oppressed with the weight of my sensations, and sank under them. It was
more than I could bear. I bent over her hand, kissed it in a stream of
delicious tears , and again looked up to her eyes. Divine Klopstock!
why didst thou not see thy apotheosis in those eyes ? And thy name so
often profaned, would that I never heard it repeated !
JUNE 19. I no longer remember where I stopped in my narrative : I
only know it was two in the morning when I went to bed; and if you had
been with me, that I might have talked instead of writing to you , I
should, in all probability , have kept you up till daylight.
I think I have not yet related what happened as we rode home from
the ball, nor have I time to tell you now. It was a most magnificent
sunrise : the whole country was refreshed, and the rain fell drop by
drop from the trees in the forest. Our companions were asleep. Charlotte
asked me if I did not wish to sleep also, and begged of me not to make
any ceremony on her account. Looking steadfastly at her , I answered ,
"As long as I see those eyes open , there is no fear of my falling asleep."
We both continued awake till we reached her door. The maid opened it softly,
and assured her , in answer to her inquiries , that her father and the
children were well, and still sleeping. I left her asking permission
to visit her in the course of the day. She consented, and I went , and,
since that time , sun, moon , and stars may pursue their course: I
know not whether it is day or night ; the whole world is nothing to me.
JUNE 21. My days are as happy as those reserved by God for his elect
; and, whatever be my fate hereafter, I can never say that I have not
tasted joy,—— the purest joy of life. You know Walheim. I am now completely
settled there. In that spot I am only half a league from Charlotte; and
there I enjoy myself, and taste all the pleasure which can fall to the
lot of man.
Little did I imagine, when I selected Walheim for my pedestrian excursions,
that all heaven lay so near it. How often in my wanderings from the hillside
or from the meadows across the river, have I beheld this hunting-lodge,
which now contains within it all the joy of my heart!
I have often, my dear Wilhelm, reflected on the eagerness men feel
to wander and make new discoveries, and upon that secret impulse which
afterward inclines them to return to their narrow circle, conform to
the laws of custom, and embarrass themselves no longer with what passes
around them.
It is so strange how, when I came here first , and gazed upon that
lovely valley from the hillside , I felt charmed with the entire scene
surrounding me. The little wood opposite—— how delightful to sit under
its shade ! How fine the view from that point of rock! Then , that
delightful chain of hills , and the exquisite valleys at their feet!
Could I but wander and lose myself amongst them ! I went , and returned
without finding what I wished. Distance , my friend, is like futurity.
A dim vastness is spread before our souls : the perceptions of our mind
are as obscure as those of our vision ; and we desire earnestly to surrender
up our whole being, that it may be filled with the complete and perfect
bliss of one glorious emotion. But alas ! when we have attained our object,
when the distant there becomes the present here , all is changed : we
are as poor and circumscribed as ever , and our souls still languish
for unattainable happiness.
So does the restless traveller pant for his native soil , and find
in his own cottage, in the arms of his wife, in the affections of his
children, and in the labour necessary for their support, that happiness
which he had sought in vain through the wide world.
When, in the morning at sunrise, I go out to Walheim, and with
my own hands gather in the garden the pease which are to serve for my
dinner, when I sit down to shell them, and read my Homer during the
intervals , and then , selecting a saucepan from the kitchen, fetch
my own butter , put my mess on the fire, cover it up, and sit down
to stir it as occasion requires , I figure to myself the illustrious
suitors of Penelope , killing, dressing , and preparing their own oxen
and swine. Nothing fills me with a more pure and genuine sense of happiness
than those traits of patriarchal life which , thank Heaven !
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