You
can’t simply tell yourself to be positive. You must take action. Here are six practical
strategies that work.
1. Do something new.
Very little that’s new occurs in our lives. The impact of this sameness on our
emotional energy is gradual, but huge: It’s like a tire with a slow leak. You don’t notice it
at first, but eventually you’ll get a flat. It’s up to you to plug the leak—even though there
are always a dozen reasons to stay stuck in your dull routines of life. That’s where Maura,
36, a waitress, found herself a year ago.
Fortunately, Maura had a lifeline—a group of women friends who meet regularly to
discuss their lives. Their lively discussions spurred Maura to make small but nevertheless
life altering changes. She joined a gym in the next town. She changed her look with a
short haircut and new black T-shirts. Eventually, Maura gathered the courage to quit her
job and start her own business.
Here’s a challenge: If it’s something you wouldn’t ordinarily do, do it. Try a dish
you’ve never eaten. Listen to music you’d ordinarily tune out. You’ll discover these small
things add to your emotional energy.
2. Reclaim life’s meaning.
So many of my patients tell me that their lives used to have meaning, but that
somewhere along the line things went stale.
The first step in solving this meaning shortage is to figure out what you really care
about, and then do something about it. A case in point is Ivy, 57, a pioneer in investment
banking. “I mistakenly believed that all the money I made would mean something,” she
says. “But I feel lost, like a 22-year-old wondering what to do with her life.” Ivy’s
solution? She started a program that shows Wall Streeters how to donate time and money
to poor children. In the process, Ivy filled her life with meaning.
3. Put yourself in the fun zone.
Most of us grown-ups are seriously fun-deprived. High-energy people have the same
day-to-day work as the rest of us, but they manage to find something enjoyable in every
situation. A real estate broker I know keeps herself amused on the job by mentally
redecorating the houses she shows to clients. “I love imagining what even the most
run-down house could look like with a little tender loving care,” she says. “It’s a
challenge—and the least desirable properties are usually the most fun.”
We all define fun differently, of course, but I can guarantee this: If you put just a bit
of it into your day, you energy will increase quickly.
4. Bid farewell to guilt and regret.
Everyone’s past is filled with regrets that still cause pain. But from an emotional
energy point of view, they are dead weights that keep us from moving forward. While
they can’t merely be willed away, I do recommend you remind yourself that whatever
happened is in the past, and nothing can change that. Holding on to the memory only
allows the damage to continue into the present.
5. Make up your mind.
Say you’ve been thinking about cutting your hair short. Will it look stylish—or too
extreme?
You endlessly think it over. Having the decision hanging over your head is a huge
energy drain.
Every time you can’t decide, you burden yourself with alternatives. Quit thinking
that you have to make the right decision; instead, make a choice and don’t look back.
6. Give to get.
Emotional energy has a kind of magical quality; the more you give, the more you get
back. This is the difference between emotional and physical energy. With the latter, you
have to get it to be able to give it. With the former, however, you get it by giving it.
Start by asking everyone you meet, “How are you?”